I have several different versions of this in my notebooks. Still haven’t managed to make it come out quite the way I want.
Overshadowing
77-Lost and Found
My headache returned and my stomach wobbled as I walked purposefully through the halls, head high, having no idea where I was going. I’d never been in this part of the palace before, and didn’t know where I was in relationship to anything else. I didn’t look at any of the people I saw, didn’t dare speak to anyone to ask for directions. I just walked, hoping I’d eventually find something familiar. When I finally came upon the heavy doors to the library, my heart leapt. I quickened my pace. From here, I knew my way to the guest quarters from those weeks spending afternoons in the library. I at last slipped into my old rooms—they were cold and pristine—and went straight to the dressing room. With some effort, I managed to trigger the secret door and step into the dark, cobwebbed passageway. I closed the door behind me and refused my body’s begging to stop. I vaguely remembered the way to the King’s chamber from here and felt my way forward in the blackness. A long, straight, walk. Then a right…a left…a narrow stair, then I was at the hidden door.
I entered the familiar gilded bedchamber. The bedroom was silent, but still warm from the fire dying on the hearth. I found the bell cord and leaned on it again and again until Hesperide walked in, her eyes wary. When she saw me, she clapped her hands over her mouth and started to cry, then she ran forward and pulled me into her arms. She held me so tight that her baby kicked me. I clung to Hess, breathing in her comforting lavender scent and absorbing the fact that I’d made it back.
After several long moments she held me at arm’s length and used her thumbs to wipe the tears off my face. “I will send for them,” she squeezed my shoulders and rushed off.
I went into the sitting room and sank onto the couch. Exhausted.
My stomach hurt. My head hurt. But still…I’d gotten out. Without betraying any of my secrets. The thought filled me with immense satisfaction.
Hesperide returned, carrying a pitcher and cup. “I’ve sent for tea—do you need dinner? You’re so pale—are you alright? What happened?” She sat down on the couch beside me and poured a cup of water for me. I accepted it, but only managed a few small sips. “We were so worried,” she continued, “Everyone is out looking for you as quietly as they can. The guards are sending word that you’re back safe.”
“Mafeisan,” I said, “I woke up in Belledi Valredes rooms.”
Hess went still. “Are you alright?” she asked, more softly this time.
I nodded. “I’m fine, I woke up earlier than they expected.” I summed up the adventure—leaving out the voice that woke me—and Hesperide gave me another hug.
The door opened and Naran walked in carrying a tea tray. I smiled at the red-headed boy. He smiled back, his blue eyes bright. He deposited the tray on a side table, Hesperide gave him a proud look. “Naran was with me when you rang,” she explained.
“Are you well, Miss Meredithe?” asked the child.
“I’m quite well, thank you, Naran. How are you? And how’s Hew?” I replied, trading my water cup for a mug of tea.
“Hew is fast, and has a good nose,” replied Naran. “I’m learning the hunt commands with him.”
“That’s wonderful, I’ll try to come see you soon.”
Naran beamed.
“Off with you now, Naran, I’ll send for you in a little while,” Hesperide pulled her son close for a kiss before shooing him on his way.
A moment later, Quill stepped in, tension swirling from him like a cyclone. He found my gaze immediately. A breath stretched between us, then he was striding across the room and dropping to a knee at my feet. He reached out his hands to my face, the gentle touch a sharp contrast to the storm in his eyes. “Are you hurt?” he asked.
I shook my head, putting my hands over his, trying to catch the breath that he’d stolen with that look. “I’m fine.”
“I got word you were back just as I was heading to Valredes’ rooms—heard a rumor that you’d been cozy with him at the party…” he trailed off, as if the words burned up before he could get them out. He took my hands and started again, his voice deadly low. “Zare…did he hurt you?”
“No, he didn’t.” I shook my head again, more firmly, then winced from the headache.
Quill caught the wince and narrowed his eyes.
“Honestly, Quill, he said they gave me a drug called mafeisan—it’s a sedative, I remember Boitumelo used it for surgeries when he could get it—I woke up earlier than I should have and I feel awful, but I’m alright. I just need to eat something and sleep it off.” I paused, and allowed myself a wicked grin, “He’ll feel awful when he wakes up, too.”
Quill inspected me; studying me for any sign that I was lying to him. He took in my rumpled clothes, my pale skin, messy hair…I produced the stiletto dagger from my bodice to answer his next question before he could ask. I was still armed.
Finally, almost reluctantly, the cyclone of tension lessened and relief started tickle at his features.
“I promise I’ll tell you all about it. You’ll be proud. But please, sit down, you’re making me tired.”
“I can’t,” he squeezed my hands, then released them and stood up. “I have to go tell the King. And make sure that someone gets word to your brother before he burns down any buildings looking for you.”
“How long was I gone?”
“It’s nearly nine,” said Hess, quietly. “Naran was just about to go to bed.”
“The party wrapped up a couple hours after noon—you never came out of the Ambassador’s rooms that Jemin saw.” Quill turned to go, “He was turned away when he tried to go in to fetch you. We’ve been trying to track you down, since.”
Fun with watercolor
I have this color called bloodstone. I mix it with phthalo blue and ultramarine and have all the best fun.
76-Slippery
Sounds of a door opening and closing, then of Bel moving around and muttering to himself. Lightning coursed through me as I realized he might, at any moment, decide to come check on me. I spun, looking around the bedroom for anything useful. There was a small table by the sofa. A sideboard held a selection of wine and liquor against one wall. There was a fireplace with a nearly dead fire. Spying the dressing room door, I headed for it. Maybe all the dressing rooms had secret passageways. The room was dark, and Bel’s clothes hung in neat rows, his collection nowhere near as large as the king’s. The room was much smaller, also, and it didn’t take long to tap on the walls and pry at moldings with no results. Swearing softly, I reentered the bedroom.
This was complicated. I didn’t want to go with that handsome snake. I wasn’t worried about my relationship with the king, except that was the main excuse for our being in the palace. Apparently, failing at turning Analie against the king, Khattmali was trying to turn the king against Analie. She must be in a terrible rush to be taking such bold, drastic measures. I returned to the couch and lay down. I rubbed my temples to ease the ache that lingered, and contemplated my next move. By the time the door to the bedroom opened, letting in a widening spray of light, I had a plan. I dropped my hands, closed my eyes, and lay still. Bel’s shadow crossed the light and as he drew near I could hear his muttered stream of curses. Had he been swearing since Khattmali left?
I sensed him approach the couch, then felt him sit on the edge. I shifted, then moaned very softly.
“Analie?” he asked, sounding very concerned. His fingers brushed against my cheek. It was all I could do not to flinch. “Are you alright? Can you hear me?”
I fluttered my eyes, then brought my hands to my face, wincing as if the light hurt. I squinted at him through my fingers. His brown hair was mussed, as if he’d been running his hands through it, and he looked so blasted worried.
“What happened?” I asked, not having to fake the croak in my voice.
“The wine,” he explained, “It was drugged. I was so frightened you wouldn’t wake up. I brought you here to recover.”
“You drugged me?”
“No!” he recoiled in horror, “I don’t know who drugged you—a rival, maybe? One of my enemies, or one of yours.”
How close he skated to the truth.
He drew a hand over his face then blew his breath out. “I’m glad you’re alright.”
I let my hands curl under my chin. Defensive, but no longer covering my face. “I feel awful.”
“I’m sure you do. My physician said it was mafeisan—just a small amount, so not deadly, just knocks you out and makes you wake up with a hell of a hangover.”
“How would I have enemies? I don’t know anyone—hadn’t met anyone before today.”
Bel’s face twisted with…sadness? I hadn’t been expecting that look. “Unfortunately, that’s not how the court works.” He paused. “Are you feeling well enough to try sitting up?”
I nodded, and he took my arm, standing to support me as I shifted into a sitting position, then reseating himself next to me at an angle, so close his knees touched mine and he could look into my face. I looked down, pretending the world was spinning and wondering if he could smell the bile on my breath. Bel watched me for a few moments before reaching to a nearby side table to retrieve a glass of water. The tray with glasses and a pitcher hadn’t been there before, he must’ve brought it in with him. I allowed myself a quick sniff of the water before drinking it. It was fresh, clear—not poisoned—and it soothed my bile scorched throat.
“You’re staying with the king?”
I nodded again, lacing my fingers around the cup.
“I’ll take you back there as soon as you feel you can walk.”
Eyes wide, I stared at him. “Thank you,” the words came out a whisper. This was his way of convincing Analie to stay with him? But, then again, as I looked at his handsome, concerned, face, I did feel a part of me warming to him. Desiring him, even. Bastard.
He turned away and poured himself some water. When he turned back he asked, “Do you love the king, Analie?”
“I do.” I blushed.
“Why?” he asked, his voice sharper than I expected.
I looked up at him, surprised.
He shook his head, as if he regretted his tone. “I’m sorry…I can easily see why the King wants you. But why would a kind girl like you be taken in by a cruel, womanizing profligate like him?”
With great effort I swallowed my incredulous retort. Inside, I chanted love makes you stupid, and said meekly, “He said he loves me.”
Chuffing out a bitter laugh, Bel stood up abruptly and crossed to the sideboard to pour himself something stronger than water. I watched him, fascinated. The best lies are mostly true, and I didn’t think this bitterness was faked.
“Analie, I know you don’t want to hear this, and I know you might not believe me, but I have to tell you: You’re sweet and beautiful, and the smartest thing the king ever did was enthrall you. But he doesn’t know how to love. He’s mad, vicious, and petty. He will make you think you are the center of the world, and you will be,” Bel stopped and tossed back his drink. “Until he’s done with you, and then you’re nothing.”
I just watched, wide-eyed.
“He’s king, and he takes whomever he pleases to his bed. He should be courting a woman of rank and nobility, not seducing her.”
By the time he turned to face me again I had tears glistening in my eyes. “Is that why you’re angry?” I whispered, choking on the words, “Because I’m not noble?”
It took a split second for him to trace his mistake, and he hurried back to the couch, contrite. He sat beside me and took my hands; I scooted away and sniffed loudly. “No, Analie, no…” he moaned, “That’s not it at all.”
I stood up quickly, the world only tilted a little, “I’ve been in this palace for months and not one soul made any attempt to be my friend except the king.” I started pacing erratically through the room. “No one wanted to be my friend, or talk to me, or anything like that. I was nothing to everyone—” I paused and glared at Bel, “Except him.”
Bel looked at me helplessly. “I’m sorry.”
“And now you tell me that he doesn’t really care for me?” I moved behind the couch, pacing between the couch and the bed so Bel had to swivel to watch me. “Why should I believe you? Who are you? Why do you care?”
“A few years ago, he took an interest in my sister.”
Oh dear.
“I’d never seen her so happy…but then, just like that it was over,” Bel snapped his fingers. “For him, anyway. She cried for months.”
I stopped pacing. “I’m sorry.” It didn’t even matter if he was lying. There was almost certainly a girl with that story, even if she wasn’t his sister.
Bel turned away, facing front. “It’s not your fault.”
I came up to the back of the couch, hesitated, then leaned down and slipped my arms around Bel. I smoothed my hands down his muscular chest before wrapping my arms across his front and putting my head on his shoulder. He relaxed into my touch, and I felt just a twinge of guilt as I kissed his cheek so he wouldn’t notice my arms shift toward his throat. “I’m sorry, Bel. It’s just…I’m so confused. He’s been so kind. But now you tell me these things about him, and I just don’t know what to think. I thought he loved me.” I kept whispering in his ear, and if Bel ever noticed my tightening arms on his neck, he didn’t move. He didn’t move till he sagged slightly and I released the pressure on his neck. He slumped over. Quickly, I pressed my fingers to his neck, and was relieved that he was still alive.
I didn’t have much time.
Moving round to the front of the couch I struggled to reposition Bel so he was laid out on the couch, head on a pillow, as if he’d chosen to take a nap.
I found a writing set in the sitting room, and left a hastily scrawled note tucked under his hand. Then, straightening my skirts and taking a deep breath, I walked out of his chambers.
All the Watercolor
I went a little crazy the other night. You can tell the dress was the culmination of the evening’s practice. By far the best use of light and dark. Also another chapter in me torturing mixed media paper and forcing it to carry watercolors (which, its not REALLY meant for…hence wrinkles).
75-Voices
I was waiting for my cue, but something was wrong. I couldn’t hear the music. The horses shifted under me, eager to run into the darkened tent. The tent shouldn’t be dark. The show didn’t go that way—or had I missed my part? Where was the music? Without waiting, the horses surged forward, charging into the darkened ring. Suddenly Balleck was there, spinning his burning poi. He smiled broadly, offering me his hand. I took it, stepping into the light as if I wasn’t standing on galloping horses. He spun me into a dance, the poi spinning around us, and then spinning away from us to become the glass tree in the Market Square in Gillenwater. We danced alone, without music, without other people…and he pulled me close for a kiss.
But something was wrong.
Wake up.
A woman’s voice slipped through the darkness. Hess?
I was falling, the roar of a waterfall and the crush of water tore us apart. The water turned to fire, and I was running. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see through the darkness and flame. I could sense her, though. I could feel the weight of the Nether Queen’s presence—of that thing she worshiped—it was hunting me and I ran, walled in by flames. I would die here. I would drown in fire.
Damn it, Zare, wake up.
I slowly became aware of my body, someone was shaking my shoulders. I still had a body, that was good. Probably not dead, then.
Come on.
She was urgent.
I was laying on something cushioned and velvety, my head propped on something stiffer than a bed pillow. A couch? Was I back in the king’s chambers again? My head was pounding as I tried to sort through the mud and find something firm.
The wine.
The poison.
Wake up!
The voice was commanding, and a hand slapped my face.
I forced my eyes to open. My vision swam, and I grabbed my head immediately, stifling a moan. I felt like I was going to be sick. I closed my eyes again, and only reopened them once I’d convinced my stomach to reconsider its plans. The walls were creamy, and the drapes were navy blue. I saw a bed draped in a burgundy coverlet. This was not one of the King’s personal chambers. It wasn’t any part of Khattmali’s chambers that I’d seen, either.
And I was alone.
My heart hammered.
What in Serrifis? Who had awakened me? Where was I? I struggled to breathe deeply. To calm the roaring of my blood. Slowly, carefully, I pushed myself into a sitting position. My shoulders hunched, as if they could protect my head from the awful pounding. I looked around, trying to ascertain if my other senses were right. How was I alone?
I was on a velvet couch, one lamp burned by a door on the other side of the room. The deepness of the shadows spoke of evening. There were voices on the other side of that door.
I took some more deep breathes and gathered my strength to rise. I wouldn’t have called myself tall, but suddenly my full height felt so very far from the ground. My stomach reeled. I covered my mouth with one hand and took a step forward.
There is a washroom through that door to the right.
My spine tingled. I looked to my right and saw another door.
Cautiously, I walked to the door and put my free hand on it. I had the sense to put my ear to it and listen before pushing it open. It was, in fact, a washroom. I went to the sink and turned on the water, allowing it to run over my wrists, and splashing it on my face. After a few moments of indecision, my stomach twisted and I retched into the sink. I thought I felt a comforting hand on my back as I gave the meager contents of my stomach back to the world, but I felt too awful to care about the impossibility. I’d been poisoned, Eloi only knew what it was doing to my senses.
At last, the nausea finished, leaving me weak and sweating. My cheeks were wet with tears. My ribs ached from the effort of heaving. The water was still running and had washed the bile away. I splashed more water on my face. My head still hurt, yet my vision was clear, and I could move more easily. Finding a towel, I dried my face and inspected myself in the long mirror beside the sink. My long skirts and embroidered bodice were wrinkled, and even in the dim light I could see that I was pale as death. Otherwise…I looked unscathed. I checked, and my stiletto was still in my bodice. Brushing at the wrinkles out of habit, I cautiously stepped back into the room where I’d awoken.
“Are you still there?” I whispered to the empty bedroom, feeling ridiculous.
The voice in my head didn’t answer. No invisible hands touched me in response.
I didn’t want to push it. Not when there were still voices behind that other door. Perhaps my waker had been a figment of the poison. Though, that seemed insufficient. Since when did poison provide helpful hallucinations? That wasn’t important at the moment: I needed to find out where I was, and why. I went to the window and looked out: Gardens, barren from winter, a few levels below me. To the side, I could see the undulating gray walls of the palace. So, I was still in the palace. Good. I crept across the room toward the door by the lit lamp. Light streamed from the other side. Stopping, I laid my fingertips and then my ear to the door to listen.
“It’s not a difficult task, darling.” Khattmali’s voice was lazy. “Why do you look so put out?”
“Your grace,” a man’s voice. Bel’s voice. My lips curled in a snarl. “I am merely hurt that you felt the need to drug the girl. I could have seduced her.”
“That may be true, but I don’t have time for uncertainty.” Khattmali paused, then continued with an edge to her voice, “Today, dozens of courtiers saw the King’s mistress in the arms of another man. By tonight, the rumors will be all over the palace and the King himself will have heard. When she is not there to answer his call, he may move on—or at worst send men looking for her. You should be able to get her out of the palace tonight, but if not, he’ll still find her with you.”
“And what if she tells him that she was drugged, and he believes her?” Bel’s voice was laced with tension. He really was upset.
“She will only be out another hour or so, you should have time to address her feelings.” A pause, “There will be no evidence that she was drugged if he investigates—and even if he does, somehow, believe her anyway, I will protect you. The king has no stomach for violence.”
Silence. I doubted that Bel was convinced.
I had to strain to hear Khattmali purr, “You did excellently today. I was watching you.”
“Were you?” Bel was smooth as honey, “Enthralled by my charms?”
“Belledi,” She laughed softly. I wanted to throw up again. “I will remember you, when I am queen.” She sounded like she was moving away—toward the chamber exit?
“How long should I keep her? If the King doesn’t look for her?”
“As long as you like, darling. It makes no difference to me.” Her voice was careless, self-assured, even bored. She truly didn’t care. She believed I was a merchant’s daughter, and she’d just given me to one of her pets to be used however he saw fit. This was better than being found out and handed over to her Queen, but anger began to burn inside me.
Pencil Sketches
Happy Valentine’s Day
Destrier
I’ve been trying to practice layering with ink pencils, and also mixing media more often.
73-Belle of the Party
Khattmali was the perfect hostess. She put her arm through mine and led me from group to group, presenting me as only a socialite could. People who had never spoken two words to me out in the halls were now all smiles and bows. As if they hadn’t been painting me with disdain whenever they glimpsed me for the past few months.
Courtly parties had been just another pleasant memory of my pre-siege childhood. Now, facing a roomful of beautiful vipers, I felt that I must have always hated court life. Hated it. Perfectly and completely.
“How do you do, Miss Meredithe?”
“So pleased to meet you, Miss Meredithe.”
“Enchanted, Miss Meredithe.”
I smiled, blushed, and curtsied with just a touch of unpolished bounce. I also invented new curse words in my head. There were more men than women at this party. Most of them thirty or younger, though there were a few older. When Khattmali ran out of people, I realized that I hadn’t retained a single name, and had glazed over most of the faces, too. I started angling for the wing chairs near the fire, but Khattmali steered me toward the couch instead.
I accepted a tea cup from a passing servant and settled onto the couch, Khattmali beside me.
She lifted a jeweled hand, “Bel, darling, come sit with us!”
A good looking young man in a fine white shirt under a navy doublet redirected his path to sit in the chair across from us. He smiled, the expression brightening his face so much that I thought it might be a real smile. “My name is Lord Belledi Valredes,” he bowed slightly to me as he sat, his eyes sparkling in a way that made me think we’d just been introduced but he’d seen the utterly blank look in my face.
Valredes…one of the older families to survive the fall. “Analie Meredithe,” I said, narrowly keeping myself from offering him my hand like a princess. I made an effort to mark his features: High cheek bones, brown eyes. Short brown hair. Broad shoulders that hinted at active pass times. His coat had the faint shimmer of silk, and a gold brooch in the shape of a leaping fish sat over his heart.
He kissed my fingers and sat back in the chair. “How have you found the palace, Miss Meredithe?”
“It’s lovely,” I said. “Just…really beautiful.”
“I’m sorry we haven’t met before now, for surely the palace is made even more beautiful by your presence.”
I looked down demurely to keep from rolling my eyes.
“Bel, you charmer,” said Khattmali with a light laugh. “Oh, Lucius, come here!” she beckoned to another young man even as she stood up. “Keep Miss Meredithe company for me, I must greet the other guests.”
I thought it was a thin excuse, even if new people had just entered the chambers. How many people had she invited to this luncheon?
Lucius had blonde hair, and he smiled as he kissed Khattmali’s hand before taking her place next to me on the couch. “Miss Meredithe,” he flashed the same smile at me. “Lord Lucian Tene. I hope you won’t be too bothered by our company.” His doublet was a pale blue that intensified the blondeness of his hair and the blueness of his eyes.
“Oh, not at all!” I said quickly, wrapping my hands around my tea cup as I watched Khattmali disappear into the crowd. It was happy coincidence, that an irritated and sulking princess could so easily pass for a shy and overwhelmed common girl.
“The Ambassador told me your father is a spice merchant,” said Lucius, “She failed to mention that you were stunning, though.”
I blushed. “You’re too kind.” And I could easily take you in a fight.
“I heard that your family was rescued by the King’s men after being robbed on the road,” added Bel, leaning his elbows on his knees and taking a sip of his wine. “That must have been terrifying. I’m so sorry you had to experience that.”
“Yes, it was awful—I’m so grateful to the men who rescued us, I can’t even imagine what would have happened if they had not come along.” I kept my eyes wide and earnest.
“Bel,” Lucius interjected, “This is a party, don’t remind the lady of such things.”
“My apologies,” Bel dipped his head, apologetic.
“It’s alright,” I assured him. “Much good came out of it.” I flicked my lashes down. Love makes you stupid. I tried to imagine being in love, but instead thought of throwing a pillow at Tarr’s head. My neck heated, which worked well enough.
“Have you ever been to a party like this before?” Lucius asked.
“Yes—well,” I hemmed, “I’ve been to large parties—just not with so many lords and ladies, of course. And not in the palace.”
“The Ambassador means well,” said Bel, kindly. “Though I fear a party of this size might not have been the kindest way to introduce you to people.”
I titled my head, uncertain what to make of even the gentlest criticism of Khattmali. Also, uncertain if he actually believed she meant well.
“Though, we’re certainly glad to meet you at long last,” said Lucius, leaning back and lifting a hand to wave over a servant carrying a decanter. “The palace is much improved by your presence. And I believe your brother is here, also?”
I didn’t want to talk about my family. “He is, yes. But he’s often out working the family business. It pleases the King for him to continue on restoring trade.” In the economy your High Queen shattered. I looked at Bel, “Lord Valredes…your family owns half the fishing boats, doesn’t it?”
“We do, yes,” he nodded, “Please call me Bel, Lord Valredes is my father.”
“Bel,” I smiled at him. I almost asked how they were affected by the purging of the nymphs but thought better of it just in time. I also almost asked how in Serrifis he’d managed to keep his parents through the fall, but I knew the answer to that already thanks to Quill and Tarr preparing me for this luncheon. Some hadn’t been given a choice to bow to the new Queen; Yet others had, and most took it after watching the executions and rituals.
Bel continued, “Lucius’s family owns hundreds of acres along the Market Road.”
“It’s a spectacular amount of work, but has some excellent soil and beautiful views,” said Lucius.
“Sounds wonderful,” I took a sip from my tea.
The Legend of Zare Caspian 